Everything Is Just Dandy!

I Tested the Snail Vibe, the First Non-Phallic Dildo for Combined Orgasms

VICE US
Mary Frances Knapp
2022 01 11
https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/dypy9k/snail-vibe-review

A non-phallic dildo? The words entered and exited my brain like the concept of jumbo shrimp: unbelievable at first, but entirely possible. Delicious, even. But such was the promise made by the sellers of Snail Vibe, a unique new dildo that has ensorcelled my horny little heart.

We are *blessed* to scrupulously test a dragon’s hoard of sex toys for you at Rec Room, from legends such as the Satisfyer Pro 2 to vibes by Dame and other emerging brands that are committed to destigmatizing sexual wellness. So, when I heard that the sex toy slingers at Lovers were claiming they had a new toy in their stable that was really, truly unlike anything I’d seen before, I was intrigued. “It’s the first-ever vibrator to offer the vibrating power of a wand, the insertion depth of a dildo, and the dual stimulation of a rabbit vibrator,” a spokesperson said. Oh, also, it’s inspired by snails. SWOON.

I love blatantly phallic dildos, from glass toys to rabbit vibes. But sometimes it’s a bummer to see sexual wellness companies hinge their dildo branding as “replacements” for penises and/or partners, when that’s not always the case for the person spanking the bank. I also dream of dildos that take me to space; of sex toys that look like ethereal cloud whisps, starfish that like to eat ass, and Kubrickian lilac wedges that suck your clit, and it seemed to me that Snail Vibe—with its innovative, non-gendered design—could live on that wavelength.

First impressions

“Oh, I could do so much with this,” said one friend when I showed them a picture of the Snail Vibe. “Sit on it, ride it…” I think I looked at the press images until they broke my brain, and I still couldn’t wrap my mind around how exactly this elegant purple snail would feel or work. It was way larger than I anticipated, at about nine inches in length and almost five inches across at the biggest bulbous attachment. It looked like a musical note, or an unfurling fern. I loved it.

I also loved the instructions, which you don’t always need to keep for sex toys, but you really need for this Bop It experience. The booklet is very easy to understand (and is translated in six languages), and explains exactly how you unfurl the wand—again, kind of like the frond of a fern—to increase the insertable length if you want to use it as a penetrative toy. You could also enjoy the massive vibrating ball as a clitoral toy on its own, ride it externally, or use it as a massager. (Whatever you do, just make sure to keep that lube flowing.)

The moment of truth

After a little awkward initial maneuvering, Snail Vibe started doing its dildo magic. I felt what was probably one of the most natural, effortless sensations of fullness and motion from a penetrative toy with this vibe, because it’s designed to keep physics on your side. The vibrating clitoral attachment ball unfurls with you in proportion to how much you insert it, so you will always have just the right amount of pressure on your clit with no extra effort on your part. Now that’s what I call Hard Science.

I know this toy looks fucking crazy, but if you ignore the unique shape and look at the actual specs you’re greeted with a pretty slender “shaft.” So, if you don’t necessarily want more girth from your dildos, but do want a sense of fullness and clitoral stimulation, this is the toy for you.

TL; DR

Overall, Snail Vibe is a pure delight that has slug-trailed its way into my horny heart. I’ve never used a dildo-style toy that gives such a great, easy feeling of fullness and simultaneous clitoral stimulation.

While one of my favorite things about le snail is the feel of the weight of its ball attachment on my clitoris, those with a limited range of motion or grip may want to opt for a lighter clitoral wand toy like Com. The Snail’s many grooves and swirls were also a welcome reminder for me to re-stock my favorite sex toy wipes and cleaners, so keep that in mind (also, it comes in a discreet carrying case). I want to say this isn’t a beginner’s sex toy because its design is so out there, but I also wonder how my initial approach to sex toys might’ve improved if I had started off with something as different—and non-gendered—as this vibe. 10/10, would escargot again.

The Snail Vibe is available at Lovers, Luxe Vibes, and the official Snail Vibe site.


The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story.